Why You Won't See Me At The Glacier

It's Craft Fair season, and we're gearing up for three. We'll have booths at the NLCDA events in St. John's (at the Convention Centre) and Corner Brook (at the Pepsi Centre). We'll also be at the Anna Templeton Centre in mid-December (this is a smaller-scale market, and quite lovely). But we won't be at The Glacier. Why not? You might be wondering. Well, here's the story of my book signing at The Glacier.
I had a book published two years ago, and as every author knows that means book signings. There you are at the Avalon Mall/Village Mall/Costco, at a fold-out table with a stack of your books fetchingly arranged, while shoppers flow past maybe vaguely registering your presence and wondering if you're selling Girl Guide cookies. I don't drive so I learned lots and lots about our Metrobus system; even so getting to The Glacier was a transportation challenge.
Eventually I found myself embarked on the first of two 45-minute rides, surrounded by some...interesting characters. One woman I remember was enthralled in a vicious and convoluted fight with her landlord about something weird, not like the hot water heater or furnace but about a shower curtain or something. Anyway, the bus driver got me as close to The Glacier as he could, pointed out where it was and where I could cross the road, and said he would see me in two hours.
The Glacier, as its name implies, is a rink. The floor was composed of boards - plywood I think - laid over the icy surface. The crowded booths were arranged on top of this. I found my small table and spread out a fan of books. In the background, a looped tape played the same six Elvis Presley Christmas music covers, over and over.
A shadow fell across the table. I looked up. There stood a Very Big Woman.
VBW: Is that a Newfoundland book?
Me: Why, ah, yes. (It was a collection of obituaries about Newfoundlanders and Labradorians that I'd had published in the Globe and Mail.)
VBW: Doesn't look like it.
(I have no idea what she meant. Should it have been shaped like Newfoundland? Had 'Newfoundland Book' stamped on its cover? She picked up a copy, took out her cellphone, and dialled.)
VBW: Is Bernice there? Well get her...Bernice. I'll looking at a book. I think it might do for Poppy. It's about nondescript people.
(I really have no idea what she meant by that. However Bernice must have said something like, Yes, you know Poppy is all about nondescript people, get it for him.)
VBW: OK. I'll buy it.
Me: Great! Would you like me to sign it?
VBW: Whatever. OK. Say, 'To Poppy from Zachary."
So I did.
I did laugh all the way home. But I will never go back to The Glacier.

(Image: lealawatson.co.uk.)